i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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