I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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