I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
