i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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