As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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