I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
