i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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