Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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