Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
