margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
