all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
