You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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