I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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