i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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