If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
