Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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