but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
