The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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