Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
