My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
