there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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