My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
