In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
