He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
