I hate your face
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
