Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
