Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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