the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
