my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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