At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
