OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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