can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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