are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
