Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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