She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
