I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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