If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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