Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
