what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
