I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
