But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
