Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
