Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
