That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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