a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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