you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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