I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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