That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
