i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
