I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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