We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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