guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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