I faked an abortion last night.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
