apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
