how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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