Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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