Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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