Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
