Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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