My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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