My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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