i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
