Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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