doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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