tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
