Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
