I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
