If that was your dad, he is hot
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
