Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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