She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
