had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
