i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There r osticjed everywhere
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
