Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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