Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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