I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
