She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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