Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
